Banned from zoo.
Again?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
