A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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