I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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