dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
