You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
