just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
