Swine flu. Run for my life!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
