my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
