Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
