Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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