i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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