I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
