Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I smell stomach acid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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