Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
