I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
