i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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