Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
