someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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