Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
