? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
