bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
