Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
