I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
