PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
