you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
