If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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