he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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