not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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