when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
