Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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