Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
