It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
