i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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