Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
