I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i already hear my dad disowning me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
