So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
