Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
