It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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