I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
