It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
