the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
