We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
