God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
