Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
