apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
