brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
