How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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