Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
