I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
