well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
