cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My dick has a subreddit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
